How Understanding Attachment Styles Can Help You Heal

Have you ever found yourself wondering, Why do I keep ending up in the same kinds of relationships? or Why do I pull away when someone gets too close? These patterns may feel frustrating or confusing—but they’re not random. Often, they can be traced back to something called your attachment style.

As a therapist, I find that learning about attachment is one of the most empowering tools clients can bring into therapy. It helps make sense of your relationships—past and present—and offers a compassionate roadmap for growth, connection, and healing.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles are patterns of relating to others, especially in close relationships. These patterns begin forming in early childhood based on how our caregivers responded to our needs for safety, comfort, and emotional connection.

Over time, we carry these patterns into our adult relationships—often without even realizing it.

There are four main attachment styles:

• Secure: You feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. You trust others and yourself.

• Anxious (or Preoccupied): You crave closeness but often worry about being abandoned or not being “enough.”

• Avoidant (or Dismissive): You value independence and may pull away from closeness to protect yourself.

• Disorganized (or Fearful-Avoidant): You may want connection but also fear it, leading to push-pull dynamics and internal conflict.

These styles are not fixed labels. They’re adaptive responses you developed to survive and get your needs met. And the good news is: they can change.

How Attachment Styles Show Up in Therapy

Your attachment style can influence how you approach therapy itself. For example:

• If you have an anxious style, you may worry about being judged or not doing therapy “right.”

• If you lean avoidant, you might struggle to open up or wonder whether therapy is even necessary.

• If you have a disorganized style, you might feel both drawn to and afraid of the vulnerability that therapy invites.

Understanding your attachment style gives us insight into how you relate not just to others—but to yourself, your emotions, and the therapeutic process.

How Therapy Can Help You Heal Attachment Wounds

Therapy offers something unique: a safe, consistent, nonjudgmental relationship. For many people, this is the first time they’ve experienced a secure, emotionally attuned connection. Over time, this experience can actually begin to rewire your internal model of relationships.

In therapy, we might explore:

• Where your attachment patterns come from

• How they’re affecting your current relationships and self-esteem

• How to build emotional resilience, boundaries, and secure connection

• How to tolerate intimacy and trust—even when it feels unfamiliar or scary

The goal isn’t to “fix” your attachment style. It’s to understand yourself more deeply, work through old wounds, and develop healthier ways of connecting—with others and with yourself.

Final Thoughts

Attachment theory doesn’t put you in a box—it gives you a key. It helps you unlock patterns you may have struggled with for years, and it points the way toward more fulfilling relationships and greater self-understanding.

If you’re curious about your own attachment style or how it may be showing up in your life, therapy is a wonderful place to explore it. I’d be honored to walk with you on that journey